The cluttered room of gay marriage

You know that feeling when you're cleaning out a room that is so fill with stuff that you think it's impossible?  That incredibly confusing moment when everything is on the floor, and the room actually seems much messier than it did when you first started? You have no idea what to do next.  But you also know that it's part of the process: the room has to look messier before it actually gets neater.

I'm trying to think of the gay marriage struggle in these terms.  Right now things seem a real mess.  We lost in Maine and New York.  New York was especially infuriating because politicians outright lied to us.  They took gay money in the campaigns, saying they were equal marriage supporters.  Then they voted against us.  If people had kept their promises, New York would have marriage equality.

Because of New York, I'm betting that New Jersey won't even come up for a vote.  It seems that everyone is willing to be courageous as long as someone else is courageous first.  

Then there's California.  Another major LGBT group has withdrawn its support of a 2010 referendum question to overturn Proposition 8, urging its repeal in 2012. when, the group claims, we'd have a better chance of winning.  Opinion varies as to whether or not this is wise.  What will happen is unclear right now.

I've also been reading that some LGBT leaders are thinking we should drop marriage for now and concentrate on civil unions, like the law the Washington State electorate passed.  The rationale is that while we're fighting about words, LGBT people across the country are denied rights they could have.  It's an interesting argument, but one, I think, that assumes that the leaders of the anti-equal marriage groups are only concerned about the word marriage.  I actually think thing could get nastier with fights over civil unions: they can't sing the "marriage is between a man and a woman" song, so they'll find something else.

Other gay leaders think we should ditch the state-by-state effort and focus on the federal government and Supreme Court.  I'm not so sure we put our faith in John Roberts' court right now.

But then there's Washington, DC, which passed an equal marriage law this week.  The council needs to pass it again.  While it looks like Congress will not intervene, I'm not banking on trust anymore.  Anything could happen.

LGBT leader David Mixner is advocating a new approach to the marriage issue. On his blog today he writes, " it is time to seriously consider a more civil rights movement approach to fighting for our rights instead of pumping money into either party in some sort of masochistic dance. We must consider a concerted and well planned campaign of non-violent civil disobedience. Business as usual can not continue in this country as long as we are separated from the rest of our neighbors, families and friends who have full equality and freedom."


So it's a real mess.  It's like that room.  We don't know exactly what to focus on, what to put away, what needs to be dealt with immediately, what needs to be thrown out. But we have started.  We've been working on this room for years.  Cleaning it is going to take a very long time. But like all messy rooms, it will become clearer, things will be put into place, and we can walk in, fall back on the arm chair, and feel proud we helped created a space where everything is as it should be.