I've gone along with the notion that many opponents aren't haters. I've always known there were haters out there, but I think at some level I've bought into the line that most of those who oppose gay marriage aren't haters. But something struck me a I watched Huckabee answer Jon Stewart: there is hate in more of these people than I wanted to admit.
Here are some people who claim to respect me. Here is also why they don't. And here is why what the represent or say is hateful.
1. I hear Mike Huckabee describe this wonderful institution that he calls the bedrock of society. And it's so wonderful, in fact, that if I'm let in, I will ruin it. That's what I'm told. "I just don't want to be in the same room with you," Huckabee seems to be saying. "I want you out of my institution all together. Go away. You'll destroy it." But I don't hate you. I am not a hater.2. Rick Warren, another pastor who "loves" gay people, was essential in creating churches in Uganda. He worked particularly closely with one of the key movers and shakers of the Anti-Homosexual Bill being considered. And while he claims to have cut off ties from him two years ago, Warren -- who never hesitates to deal with issues at home and abroad -- refuses to condemn the law that will sentence gay people to death. "Gay people will die and I won't say a word," is what he is saying. But I don't hate you. I am not a hater.
3. Many bloggers (including Joemygod.blogspot.com) have reported on the religious group called "The Family," a group with connections to Uganda and the politicians backing the law to make homosexuality punishable by death. This is not a fringe group. At least twenty members of Congress belong to this group and thus have ties to the Ugandan government. Says Terry Gross of NPR's Fresh Air: "The family is also connected to proposed anti-gay legislation in Uganda that could sentence, quote, repeat offenders to the death penalty." But we don't hate you. We are not haters.
4. The night of the ballot question decision in Maine, you'd expect those opposing same sex marriage to be pleased with their results. But ecstatic? As elated as if they had won the lottery? The passion behind their behavior went far beyond "preserving marriage" -- their lives wouldn't change one iota the next day. It was about defeating an enemy. An enemy consisting of gay men and lesbians who wanted to join the institution they are part of. If this were a football game, they would have chanted we won, they lost. But we don't hate you. We are not haters.
5. Oh yes. Sarah Palin. She boasted in the VP debate that one of her closest friends was gay. I wonder if her friend knew this, reported by Michelangelo Signorile: some of her closest advisors are deeply involved with anti-gay and anti-black groups. Says Signorile of one advisor, coincidentally named McCain, "In his Web postings McCain has stated that Harvard president Lawrence Summers should be 'persecuted and run out of town' for supporting gay rights. He also believes that the civil rights movement directly resulted in 'black criminality' because people were encouraged to break the law by getting arrested at demonstrations! But I don't hate you. I am not a hater.6. The Catholic Church has spent millions, yes millions on fighting same sex marriage. They have chosen to spend this money over feeding the poor. Sheltering the homeless. Healing the sick. They have chosen to take their money away from where it might be put to use in a loving, caring way. They have claimed that the end of civilization as we know it will result if gay marriage is allowed. They have said that our mere presence as parents of children would "do violence on them." That's how evil gay people are. But we don't hate you. We are not haters.
7. Mitt Romney fought vehemently against same sex marriage in Massachusetts, all the while saying that we should respect gay people. Hmmmm. Is that why he actually made fun of us while campaigning in the south? Is that why he said, with mock shock to a die hard right wing crowd, "Gay couples are actually having couples born to them!" But I don't hate you. I am not a hater.
8. The Republican Party wants an amendment to the Constitution to ban same sex marriage, thus making it nearly impossible for future generations -- who are more and more on the side of equality -- to sanction same-sex marriage. Their "passion" is so great that they elevate the prohibition of same sex marriage to other amendments in the constitution such as ending the evils of slavery or giving African Americans and women the right to vote. The Republicans have put their opposition to any recognition of same sex relationships into their new "purity test" for candidates running under the Republican name. But we don't hate you. We are not haters.
9. The Republican Governor of Rhode Island vetoes a bill that would have given same-sex couples the right to bury each other. The bill was initiated after a man couldn't find his deceased partner's body for weeks because he didn't have a say in how he was to be put to rest. The governor saw nothing heartless in this; he stated that he saw it as one more step on the road to recognizing gay couples. But I don't hate you. I am not a hater.
10. Over one hundred religious leaders recently signed The Manhattan Project, a call to arms to stop (among other things) same-sex marriage. The leaders, ironically citing Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, remind Christians of the need for civil disobedience when it comes to stopping such things as same sex marriage. But lest they be accused of hating gay people, the document states, "we respect them as human beings possessing profound, inherent, and equal dignity." Not enough dignity to love, however. As a matter of fact, they are so hostile to gay relationships that the are encouraging disruption at the weddings of these "dignified" people in an attempt to stop them from marrying. But we don't hate you. We are not haters.
Let me be clear. I do believe we can disagree without hate. But I'm becoming increasingly weary of the those who try to have it both ways: to participate in hatred behind the veneer of Mr. Rogers. And I'm going to demand something else before I believe any of those those folks who say they don't hate us: prove it.
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