New York, New York

Since the producers of Sex and the City 2 made the huge mistake of taking the ladies out of New York for the film, I thought a cinematic tribute of New York was in order. Please, if there's a Sex and the City 3, don't get rid of New York.

A defeat for gay marriage foes

A few months ago, when a bill that would allow same-sex couples the right to marry came before the New York State Senate, gay leaders expected a vote of support from Hiram Monseratte (left) of Queens.  In fact, he gave his word that he would vote on our side.  But when the vote came up, Monseratte stunned everyone by voting against same sex marriage.

When Monseratte was later expelled from the senate on domestic abuse charges, a special election was called.  Monseratte decided to run for his old seat.  Gay activists and leaders such as Cynthia Nixon (remember her video from last week?) vowed to do everything in their power to defeat Monseratte by supporting a pro-equality candidate, José R. Peralta (right).  The election was in many ways a test case to see just how influential pro-gay marriage folks could be, since there are plans to target other state senators who voted against marriage equality.  As Cynthia Nixon said, "We tried the carrot.  Now it's time for the stick."

The good news is Monseratte lost Tuesday night, and lost big,  by about 3-1.  Same sex marriage was a huge issue in the election, and voters made themselves clear.  Polls have showed that a majority New York voters support same-sex marriage.  On Tuesday the voters in Queens just might have been the first of many to deny reelection to politicians who are on the wrong side of history.  A few more elections like this one, and we'll have the votes when gay marriage is again taken up by the New York State legislature.

Harold Ford's change of heart

When Harold Ford was a Congressman from Tennessee, he voted not once but twice to amend the United States Constitution to prohibit same-sex marriage.  Each time, the vote fell short, but Mr. Ford continued to take this extreme position.

Fast forward a few years.  Harold Ford is now living in New York.  He's considering a run for senate against a woman who has been a same-sex marriage supporter for quite some time.  Mr. Ford now claims to have changed his mind.  He supports same-sex marriage 100%.  Of course, a majority of New York Democrats (whose votes he will now need) share this view.

Mr. Ford has not be well received by LGBT rights groups in New York.  It's easy to see why.  Of course we must acknowledge when people change their minds to our advantage.  But the conversion must be convincing.  For many, Mr. Ford's conversion smacked of political opportunism.  Would he have changed his mind if he were still running in Tennessee?

And we must also never forget those who supported us when it was harder to do so.  To be in favor of same-sex marriage in New York right now is about as controversial with the public as supporting school lunches.  We welcome politicians whose hearts have changed. But they must remember that some politicians earned our loyalty many years ago.

How does the Harold Ford story end?  This week he announced he would not run for senator of New York.  So take some time and work with some LGBT folks, Mr. Ford.  Get to know us and listen to us.  You have been good on lots of other issues.   Let's earn each other's trust before rushing to the altar.

Absurdity on film

Watch to the very end to really get an idea of how ridiculous marriage laws are.  (Thanks to wakingupnow.com for the tip.)  I'll be back on Monday.

Oh, Canada

Well, after a surprisingly long 14 hour drive we are in our home away from home, Toronto.  The wait at the border was 3 1/2 hours.  We forgot that this was the last day of a long weekend for Canadians, who celebrate Boxing Day. Couple that with a few snow storms on the way (including a lake effect storm in Buffalo) and possibly increased vigilance after the latest terrorist attempt and our trip was 4-5 hours longer than usual.

Of course, so much time in the car allowed me time to think.  And one thing I thought about was how our marriage status changed as we traveled from Boston to Toronto.  It's pretty crazy.

1. In Massachusetts we were in a state that allows same-sex couples to get married and that acknowledges same-sex marriages from outside the state.  Pretty straight forward, no pun intended.

2. In New York we were in a state that doesn't allow same-sex marriage but does recognize same-sex marriages from other states, including ours.  A little more complicated.

3. In Canada we are in a country that allows same-sex marriage but doesn't recognize our marriage because foreign governments generally only recognize agreements that are recognized but the federal government of the United States.  And since the Defense of Marriage Act prohibits the U.S. federal government from recognizing a same-sex marriage from Massachusetts, Canada can't recognize our marriage.  (Usually, however, in practice they do.  When we enter Canada by air, we are usually allowed to fill out one customs card as "family," although this is at the whim of the customs agent.  Compare this to the US customs agent who, once we told him we were married in Massachusetts, sternly admonished us and sent Bruce back to the line so he could process us separately -- even though we had filled out separate cards.  File this under "ever wonder why we call it hate?")

More tomorrow.  It's 2:00 AM (we arrived at 1:30 AM) and are winding down, along with our bassets, Shakespeare and Willa, who are just as happy to be sleeping on the sofa as Bruce and I are to have finally reached our destination.

Inspiring video about marching on after the New York defeat

A NYC Councilor responds to the defeat of same sex marriage in New York

I don't heart New York

This afternoon, the New York Senate voted down marriage equality by a vote of 38-24.  All 30 Republicans voted no along with six democrats, one of whom equated supporting same-sex marriage as "treason."  The New York State Assembly had already passed the measure by a wide margin.  Governor Paterson vowed to sign the bill.  So it was close.  This is the first time the Senate has even agreed to vote on the matter; the Assembly has voted for the measure three different times in three different years, each time by a wider and wider margin.

What was most frustrating about the vote is that despite the margin, we almost won.  We should have won.  A bunch of senators were willing to vote yes if the measure was going to pass.  A Democrat switched his vote to no at the last minute, and a domino effect followed.  Hmmm. How courageous.  Such profiles in courage.

The debate was emotional.  Thanks to Toweleroad for quotes from  the proceedings.  Among the more powerful:

Some people think it's a hard vote. Why is it not hard for me? Because I'm a woman. And a Jew. And I know about discrimination. I don't understand how anyone can vote no.

If this vote were taken in my district today, same-sex marriage would fail...As it relates to today, undecided senators - let's write this headline for my 10th grandchild whose sonogram was sent to me yesterday - let's send a message of hope. Let's set forth a drumbeat of equal rights for all and let's not continue to be scared into ignorance. 

You cannot legislate morality, but you can legislate justice.

There is enough to be annoyed about the vote, but a few things stand out.  Apparently, some Republicans were ready to get on board if it looked like marriage equality would win.  After the vote, the Log Cabin Republicans -- a group of gay Republicans -- released this statement:

Today we share in the frustration and disappointment that the Senate did not pass the marriage equality bill. We are deeply saddened that the Democratic Conference failed to secure the votes they promised, undermining the possibility of a credible bipartisan vote of conscience on the merits of marriage equality.

Winning marriage equality in New York requires the Democrats to keep their promises, and Log Cabin will continue to work to ensure that Republicans vote their conscience when that finally happens.

There is so much wrong with this statement that it's hard to know where to start.  The press release seems to be saying, Gay Dems -- you need to get every single vote for marriage equality and THEN we'll help you out by bringing on a few Republicans once it's safe. Guess what, Log Cabin Folks?  It's not called voting your conscience when you do it only when it's convenient.

So onward we go.  I try not to vent to much on this blog, but every once in a while, vent I must.